Life is Like a Song

Wow. How fast time has flown by. It seems like just a couple months ago Nic and I stood in front of one another, our family, our friends and our Lord, reciting our marriage vows to one another. Vows we made for the rest of our lives. But here we are, one year later. One year more in love.

Of course, all this week, Nicole and (especially) I have been more nostalgic and cheesy. Saying all the usual lovey dovey things to one another. Asking the usual inquisitive romantic questions, like, "What are your favorite memories so far," or "Has it been what you were expecting?"

To answer the latter question first, it's been better than we were expecting. I mean, we both had high expectations, but our first year of marriage has been so much more fun, easy, joyous, exciting and blessed than we could have ever expected or hoped for. God truly knew what He was doing when He brought us together. While we know it won't always be an easy road, we're thankful that the mountains are more like plateaus and the valleys more like brief dips.

Now, the first question was one we smiled about as we thought of our individual responses and eventually answered each other. Obviously, the big memories make the list, like our honeymoon, the holidays, finding out Nicole was pregnant, summer vacation, shopping for our baby when we found out "it" was a "she," the birth of Riley, and so on. But it's not just those that make marriage so wonderful. Rather, it's the little things. It's the fact that even one year later, my wife still blesses me by packing me lunches and writing funny and never-repeated names for me on the brown paper bags; today I'm "one righteous dude," in honor of Ferris Bueller. They're the memories of me looking forward to coming home every Friday night for us to go enjoy our date night. It's the memory of our weekends sleeping in together, curled up under the covers playing footsies. Memories of me getting to care for my pregnant wife when she felt nauseous. They are joyful, beautiful, even "small" treasured memories that constitute my answer to that seemingly simple question.

And now, here we are. We can actual answer in years instead of months when asked how long we've been married.

On the night of our anniversary, after a weekend of celebrating, Nicole brilliantly decided we should start an annual tradition: dancing to our wedding ceremony's first song. Holding each other and slowly spinning in our bare feet to Etta James' At Last, I lost myself in Nicole's arms and quietly leaning on the song's lyrics:

At last
My Love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song...

How true those words are. Thank you, Nicole, my love, my wife, my best friend, my hero, my lover, my desire, my better half for making them true. For everything. Especially for saying, "I do."

Happy Birthday, Mom!

The other night we went over to my parent's house. It's my mom's birthday tomorrow and we were too impatient to give her the present. So, sitting there at the table, she opened up her birthday card while my dad hung over her shoulder. We had looked at a lot of different birthday cards, or as many as Safeway carries at 10 o’clock at night, but finally decided on the cheesiest of them all. It had big, ugly flowers all over it. The type of flowers you might see in a mural or picture at your grandma’s house. Fittingly, the card read, "Happy Birthday Grandma!" Fireworks! Excitement! Woohoo! Hooray for life! For love! For marriage! That's right everybody. We're pregnant! And while I used to never understand why husbands would say "we're pregnant," I understand now. Because it is about us. About our family. About the beautiful union between man and wife that God intended to be the start of new life.

While Nicole and I weren't necessarily trying to start a family, secretly for the past month, we've been wanting it. Since the moment we were married I've had an insatiable desire to have a child with her. Here we are, only two and a half months into marriage, beginning a whole different journey. It’s no longer just about this marriage thing. It’s about this parent thing. This family thing. Another reason for you readers to visit our blog more frequently.

When my mom opened the card, she asked, “Is this a joke?” Then reading what we had written inside, she and my dad knew immediately. They’re going to be grandparents. They just bought this 1990 Buick that is so old school, after they opened the card I told them that they already have the car for it. The thing has grandparents written all over it. I think when they drive it I’ll refer to them as Ethel and Fred. That’ll really solidify the yes-you’re-old-get-over-it fact of the matter. My dad already knows, but my mom’s a little bit in denial. A couple months back she looked at me, straight-faced and said, “Jon, I have friends around fifty.” I didn’t hesitate to tell her that she was around fifty. Bottom line though—they’re excited. Just like the rest of our family. Screaming, one swear word, laughing and a “Whoooooops” from my brother were some of the reactions we received. My father-in-law, Bill said that he didn’t have enough Disney movies yet. Sorry, Bill. Better pick up the pace of that collection.

We both have no idea what's in store over these next eight or nine months. What kind of surprises we'll face. What kind of cravings Nicole will experience. How much vomiting will ensue. When and how greatly my sympathy pains will affect me. But these are all things we're ready to face together. With power from the Holy Spirit of course. When you think about it, please pray for us and for our infinitesimally small and growing child.

Life is good. Marriage is good. All of it's so stinking good.

I’m kind of rambling right now, but I don’t know exactly what to say. I’m missing something, but I’m sure it’ll come out later. For now, we just wanted to get the word out. I wanna shout it from the rooftops. I'm gonna be a father. I'M GONNA BE A DAD! When I emailed one of my friends the good news, he replied, "Holy crap! Congratulations!" Holy crap is right. Holy crap!

And one more thing. Thank you, Lord!

I'll Take Humility for a $1000 Please.

A year ago last December, Jonathan and I were just beginning. We had been dating only a few weeks when Jonathan told me about his “word for the year.” The idea is to choose a word, ideally a characteristic of God or Christian principle, and let that one word be your focus for the year. Jonathan’s word was stewardship, and the year before, patience. It seemed like a simple enough concept.

So, one sunny December afternoon, while driving with the windows down, the birds singing, wind blowing through my hair, I uttered these fateful words: “Lord, all the good things I am, are because of you, all the things I like about myself are the qualities you have given me. May I always appreciate that gift. May I always be humble enough to recognize who You have made me to be...” and it struck me… “Lord, I ask that humility be my word for the year.” And there it was. I had unknowingly sent my life in a completely different direction.

You see, God is always willing to answer those prayers—the break me, grow me, humble me prayers. So suddenly there I was dating Jonathan and every ounce of my self-esteem, it seemed had been sucked out of me. My usual self-confidence was wavering, my insecurities were mounting. Within weeks of praying that prayer I was fired from two jobs. I had never been fired from a job in my life. Soon after that, in a desperate move to “makeover” myself I cut off all my hair. I cried. Each morning when I stepped to the mirror I would fight back tears. How did this happen? Why did I look like a boy elf? Why, in my engagement to my future husband, was I looking and feeling my very worst?

Relationships with close friends began dissolving. Tensions grew between me and people I truly loved. Again and again, the Lord reminded me of my need to persevere and to recognize that my value was not tied to my job, or my haircut, or even my relationships with friends for that matter. It was all Him. And moreover, He was preparing me for marriage in a way I was unable to fully see... yet.

Kathy, my mother-in-law, at one point during this time asked me, “How is everything?” I thought for a moment. “Well, it feels like my life is falling apart. But Jonathan and I are great.” And there was the reality. In the midst of my ugliness, feeling beaten down, even hopeless at times, Jonathan was always Jonathan. While I was sad, grumpy, lacking confidence, and tired, he was supportive, encouraging, loving, forgiving, and patient. Our relationship never suffered. It flourished. God took my brokenness and started rebuilding. He took my willingness and began renewing. The process is not over. The year is not over.

I have discovered more and more ways that the Lord desires to grow me in my humility, most of them through my new marriage. I quickly realized that my heart and desire to serve Jonathan is linked explicitly to my desire to humble myself. My desire to humble myself is linked wholly to my view of myself against God. If I am nothing except for the wonderful things He has made me, well then, even when it does not feel like it, I am quite beautiful indeed, just like Jesus and Jonathan tell me.

But I will say this. Next year’s word: joy.

"That's Married Life."

What people don’t tell you about marriage is that life keeps on happening when you say, “I do.” What I mean is: stuff keeps going wrong, work still sucks sometimes, the bills keep coming in the mail, etc, etc, etc. I think that, before that beautiful day, I thought life would somehow just change the next day. You know, the type of change you expect when you graduate high school, venturing off to college and into adulthood.

But that’s all wrong.

This past couple weeks has consisted of one thing after another thing after another thing breaking or going wrong. First, Nicole’s truck. Then, the toilet. After that, the kitchen sink. And then, our car. More significantly, Nic’s had some health issues and she has to go see the doctor. Of course, this all had to fall right smack dab in the middle of December, the month of presents, presents, and, did I mention presents? (If you’re reading this family, it looks like you’ll all be getting some very nice cards, accompanied by “thoughtful” presents. And if you feel so obligated, you can make checks payable to the Too-Much-Crap-In-One-Month-Cottrell Fund.)

Last night, Nic and I went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, sort of as an unspoken last meal until late January. It was scrumptious. Occasions such as that always make the meal taste better. Sitting there next to each other, we leaned our heads on each other’s shoulders, we ate well, and we laughed. We talked about how nice it is to know that, no matter how difficult things may become at times, we have each other to “lean on.” I didn’t break into song and dance even with the cue, because Nic verbalized it better. We have each other to “bear one another’s burdens.” Exactly.

If all this stuff wasn’t enough, this morning, we both woke up sick, the car turned out being more expensive than estimated, and I smell like vitamins. Flinstone vitamins. I don’t know how it happened. I just pulled my shirt out of the closet today and, after trying to locate the smell for a while, I realized the smell was not actually trailing, but it was on me. I’m not sure which little artificially flavored character I smell like—Fred, Barney, Wilma, Dino, Bam Bam, maybe just the collected smell of all the vitamins in a single bottle—but when it’s one thing after another like Nic and I have been experiencing lately, eventually, you just have to stop and laugh.

And the laughs just keep on rolling. Tonight, after I picked up Nicole from work, we walked into the house with a great big surprise waiting for us. As Nic turned the corner to enter the kitchen, she looked into our lounge and gasped. She stopped me and said, “Jonathan, pray before you enter this room,” quickly followed by, “Can I just tell you what happened.” Quite unfortunately, our water heater had begun leaking everywhere. It’s nothing a 16-gallon ShopVac couldn’t cleanup after three hours. Nonetheless, it was just a little too much at that moment. No worries, though, Nic and I are doing well, camped out at my parents’ house, mooching from my mom’s extremely well stocked fridge, just like old times.

As I told my mom about all the, shall we say, exciting events of late, she quickly said, "That's married life," to which I responded, "No. It's just life, and we happened to be married." I mean, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health is all ringing a little truer right now than we would have hoped in our first two months together. But this stuff could happen to anyone. And somehow, despite the fact we don't think it could get any worse (and we don't want to jinx ourselves), the worse is much better than any better would be on my own.

This Marriage Thing

RegardingUs.com is our attempt at letting our friends, family and the occasional strangers in on our marriage—the joys, the frustrations, the humor, the sadness, the adventure, the scares, the trials, the mushy gushy lovey dovey stuff, and more. Of course, we can’t share everything, but we'll try to be as open as possible.

“Why,” you ask? Well, there are three reasons. First, we want to keep track of the lessons we have learned and have a central place to visit and be reminded of every step of our romance. Second, we’re new at this marriage thing, and we know that others are new at it or will be new at it soon enough. We want to share the lessons of love we learn and hope to facilitate conversation among almost and newly married couples to keep love alive and encourage the bond of marriage before God and the world. Lastly, we know a lot of amazing couples who are not in any way new at this marriage thing, having been married for ten, twenty, thirty, even forty or more years. We very much hope and pray, for our sake and other newly married couples’ sake, that those who have gone through the highs and lows of marriage—the richer and poorer, the health and sickness, the better and worse—and stood the test of time would be open in this forum and share all that they have learned.

So, whether you’re about to be married, have been married a short amount of time, or are a marriage pro, please join us as we begin the rest of our lives.