36 Days Into It

It’s been just over one month now. Thirty six days to be exact. And what a 36 days it’s been. I’m not quite sure how to capture the essence of our life’s first month together. There’s the obvious humor that accompanies marriage. For instance, now that I have someone sleeping next to me every night, I am debriefed daily about my sleep talking adventures. Of course, Nic just eggs me on and shares nonsensical dialogues with her husband, keeping her laughter down so that she does not wake me and she can enjoy the comedy for as long as possible. Take the other night for example. I had fallen asleep as we watched a movie. Out of nowhere, I shouted, “World’s biggest retards!!!” She asked me to repeat myself, so I less excitedly exclaimed, “World’s biggest retards!” Trying to understand my path of logic, she asked to whom I was referring. Quietly and frustrated, I said, “People.” I do not recall any of this, as I remember none of my sleep talking, but she says it happens. And believe me when I say that this is only one example among countless. She will be happy to elaborate upon other dialogues.

But the moments of comedy and humor aside, it is still difficult to relay the essence of married life. One thing we have both realized is the essentiality of Christ being at the center. This was realized when we were engaged, but even more so now, our individual relationships with Christ are so critical. A couple that met with us weekly before we were married said, “It’s great when we get to spend time with the Lord together, but it’s more critical that I spend time with the Lord alone daily.” I don’t know if everyone thinks that when you marry the love of your life you are something “spiritual” happens. But we have found that, while there is a significant spiritual element of the marriage that occurs upon making your vows, it is far more important to remain focused on your individual love relationship with Christ. Nic and I have read the Bible together, prayed together, and discussed spiritual matters together, but last night we talked about practical ways to encourage our individual romance with God before our romance with each other. I couldn’t have fully understood the enormously vast importance of this before marriage, but now my understanding and practice of this principle is ever more necessary as it decides the success and blessing of not only my life, but Nicole’s. So today, I’m doing exactly that. Nic is working (very much against her will) and I’m reading the Word, listening to praise music, and writing. I feel revitalized, and feeling this, I know that our marriage will be positively impacted as well. It’s a double blessing really.

When we were engaged, unlike any relationship we had with others before, we realized this same thing—that our affections for one another were significantly affected, both negatively and positively, by the state of our individual walks with the Lord. That is to say, if I was not reading the Word and walking in the Spirit, Nicole did not feel as affectionately for me, and likewise, if she was not doing well, I did not feel as passionately about her. It’s scary. To know that the quality of my horizontal relationship with Nicole is hugely impacted by vertical relationship with Christ is frightening. It just goes to show how big a role Christ plays in our life, and not just some aspects of it, but every aspect. Things don’t change when you marry. And I’m sure this is not the last time God will have to remind Nic and me about this fact.

There’s more to tell, sure, but I’m still figuring out how to convey the rest. We’re only 36 days in, so just give me some time and I’ll try and let you know what this marriage thing is like. I do know this though. I love Nicole more every single day. Every morning that I wake up next to her, I know that, no matter what may happen in the day, I have the ineffable blessing of coming home to an amazing, Godly, beautiful woman; my love; my wife.