Life is Like a Song

Wow. How fast time has flown by. It seems like just a couple months ago Nic and I stood in front of one another, our family, our friends and our Lord, reciting our marriage vows to one another. Vows we made for the rest of our lives. But here we are, one year later. One year more in love.

Of course, all this week, Nicole and (especially) I have been more nostalgic and cheesy. Saying all the usual lovey dovey things to one another. Asking the usual inquisitive romantic questions, like, "What are your favorite memories so far," or "Has it been what you were expecting?"

To answer the latter question first, it's been better than we were expecting. I mean, we both had high expectations, but our first year of marriage has been so much more fun, easy, joyous, exciting and blessed than we could have ever expected or hoped for. God truly knew what He was doing when He brought us together. While we know it won't always be an easy road, we're thankful that the mountains are more like plateaus and the valleys more like brief dips.

Now, the first question was one we smiled about as we thought of our individual responses and eventually answered each other. Obviously, the big memories make the list, like our honeymoon, the holidays, finding out Nicole was pregnant, summer vacation, shopping for our baby when we found out "it" was a "she," the birth of Riley, and so on. But it's not just those that make marriage so wonderful. Rather, it's the little things. It's the fact that even one year later, my wife still blesses me by packing me lunches and writing funny and never-repeated names for me on the brown paper bags; today I'm "one righteous dude," in honor of Ferris Bueller. They're the memories of me looking forward to coming home every Friday night for us to go enjoy our date night. It's the memory of our weekends sleeping in together, curled up under the covers playing footsies. Memories of me getting to care for my pregnant wife when she felt nauseous. They are joyful, beautiful, even "small" treasured memories that constitute my answer to that seemingly simple question.

And now, here we are. We can actual answer in years instead of months when asked how long we've been married.

On the night of our anniversary, after a weekend of celebrating, Nicole brilliantly decided we should start an annual tradition: dancing to our wedding ceremony's first song. Holding each other and slowly spinning in our bare feet to Etta James' At Last, I lost myself in Nicole's arms and quietly leaning on the song's lyrics:

At last
My Love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song...

How true those words are. Thank you, Nicole, my love, my wife, my best friend, my hero, my lover, my desire, my better half for making them true. For everything. Especially for saying, "I do."

She's Here!

How do you put into words the miracle of life taking place before your very eyes? I don't have an answer to that question. What I do have, however, is a new appreciation for creation and the wonder of God's design.

As many of you already know, our daughter, Riley, entered this world on September 18, 2006, at 18:39. The experience overwhelmed both Nicole and me and I have been searching for words all this week to try and explain the joy and praise and wonder and love I have felt since. I have failed to find those words, but I do know this: Nicole and I are so very thankful for this new addition to our family. To finally meet her and look in her newborn eyes and hold her, it has been a blessing beyond our wildest dreams.

I will be trying to formulate my thoughts better over the coming week and post something more significant during that time. For now, enjoy these pictures that capture some, but not nearly all of the joy and wonder Nicole and I have been feeling this past week...

This is Riley right after she made her way out of Nic's womb and into our arms:

This is the cute little girl getting her first bath:


This is her sucking on my thumb like nobody's business:

This... well, this is just a Kodak moment if I ever saw one:

Thank you all, again, for your prayers and petitions and thanksgivings and blessings these past nine months, this past week, and for all the years ahead. We're blessed to have such wonderful family, friends, support, and we look forward to updating you with all the new material ahead of us. Because now, Regarding Us isn't just about Nic and me... it's about all of us... our family.

God bless you all.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow... Lonelier

Traveling used to be a more frequent activity in my job, but since Nicole and I have been married, it hasn't been required in my current position. Until this past week at least.

I tried compressing my schedule as much as possible so I would only have to be away from home for no more than two nights. And I was able to do so successfully. But two nights felt like an eternity. Okay, that's exaggerating the situation a little bit, but it did feel really, really, really, realllllllly long.

You don't even realize how much you grow accustomed to having your best friend with you all the time. Someone with whom to hang out and talk and even sleep. And it's not just a matter of familiarlarity. It's a matter of preference. You want to be with that person all the time (or at least almost all the time). And when you're not with them, things get lonely.

So while some may say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, I think it's bogus. I already knew how much I loved Nicole before I left and, even when I am with her, I'm growing fonder and falling more in love with her daily. Absence just made my heart grow lonelier. And I realized, once again, how much God designed us all for relationships... especially our most important earthly relationships.

I'll save my actual travel adventure stories for another day and leave everything at that. But let's just say I'm happy to be home. Or more accurately, I'm happy to be back with Nicole, my best friend and truest love.

"Purple Pwease!" — A Short Story

The four day weekend had been spent on one thing: house work. It wasn’t exactly the weekend of R&R that it could have been, but it was productive, and, all things considered, necessary. With the fast approaching birth of our daughter, we had a lot to do. And being the over achiever that I am, after we started painting the nursery, I decided we should paint all the other bedrooms and great room so that my wife, Nicole would actually enjoy staying home everyday with our newborn.

But we finally reached Tuesday, July 4th that year, the reason for the long weekend, and the time had come for well deserved relaxation. That afternoon, we went and spent time with my parents and aunt for some good food and swimming. Later in the evening, stomachs full and relaxed from the soak, we decided that it wouldn’t be Independence Day without fireworks, so we all piled in the car and drove to a park where my family and I watched fireworks growing up. The tradition felt different, though. First off, this was the first time I actually drove the family to the park, instead of my dad. Dropping everyone off at the curb, I went to go park the car. Also, and a bigger reason for the sensed change, this represented my first year married during the national holiday.

I felt… like a family man. Not just some kid who couldn’t wait for the thunderous bursts and pops of lights against the dark sky.

After parking the car (which typically takes quite a while due to the large number of people who enjoy fireworks from the same location, but I got lucky), I quickly made my way back to join Nic, my parents, my aunt and all the other families present to enjoy the spectacle. Parents quietly sat on towels and blankets in the coolness of the greenery while their children ran circles with sparklers in hand, eagerly anticipating the show. There was the usual chatter among the adults and the playful laughter typical of children. Then, with a whistling firework shooting up, up, up into the air until it became a loud POP, the show began.

Right as the first firework’s particles faded into the darkness, a little girl joined her dad who had been sitting alone in front of us while she and her mother enjoyed the playground. No older than three, she hugged him and watched excitedly as the spectacular display unfolded before her young eyes. The show continued. Beautiful, bold, big firework after firework, many at the same time, burst into the sky and descended like pixy dust onto the heads of lost boys.

The dad began conversing with his daughter about the fireworks. He taught her how to “Ooh” and “Ahh” at the display, asked her which color firework was her favorite, and had her shout “Yeah” for the ones she really loved. As was typical of my growing fatherly propensity, I became completely distracted by the little cutie.

Since she had quickly told her dad that purple was her favorite, he told her to ask for those fireworks as loudly as she could. So she began, “Purple pwease…” but the next firework was red, and so the father told his daughter that they couldn’t hear her and she needed to make her request louder. “PURPLE PWEASE,” she repeated. Sure enough, they heard her that time and a huge purple blast exploded into the sky. She and her dad clapped furiously and shouted “Yeah,” in unison.

Watching her and her father interact, as fireworks lit the sky in flashes, I had a realization. Realizations were not uncommon to me. These slight epiphanies were familiar since discovering I too would soon be a dad. Like when I looked at our daughter’s already growing wardrobe and realized that Nicole and I would soon have a daughter that wore the cute little outfits. That we’d have a little person living in our home, crawling our floors in the various onesies. Or like on Saturday mornings, when I would look at my stomach and have these brief visions of my daughter laying on it or Nic’s, entertaining us merely by her presence and smile.

But this particular realization extended beyond my normal visions of a few months down the road. It was in this moment that I realized not only would we have a baby, but that our baby would quickly grow into a little girl, a friend, a person with whom I would share conversation. That before I knew it, she would answer me when I asked questions. That she would develop her own sense of humor and eventually start making jokes. That I would be her dad, the man she looks up to and whom represents the basis of her conceptions of all men to follow. Each thought came with every BOOM of the fireworks. And sitting there, I could do nothing but smile from ear to ear at the thought of what next year would be like, and the year after that, and the year after that.

At one point during the beautiful display, I placed my hand on Nicole’s belly. In that moment, the sound of the fireworks faded and, as far as I was concerned, no one existed in the park except for Nicole and me. I looked at her and said the words which had become incredibly familiar, “We’re going to have a child.” She stared back at me with the gentlest smile I had ever seen.

“I know.”

After that, I saw that we still sat among a large crowd of people and the fireworks came bursting back into earshot. Along with a familiar and adorable voice… “Purple pwease!”

A Weekend To Remember, Indeed

This weekend Nic and I had the privelage to attend FamilyLife's Weekend to Remember conference. And what a weekend to remember it was.

Not only did the weekend allow us to spend time with some friends who are about to be married, it allowed Nic and I the forum to discuss practical truths we've been talking about for quite some time. Nic and I are already very skilled at communication and identifying where we have room for improvement, but quite literally, talk is cheap. This weekend, we had the time and opportunity to focus not just on what we need to do to better our marriage, but more importantly, how we intended on bettering our marriage and blessing one another. Because let's be honest, loving your spouse isn't just about saying those three little words, it's about living those words out on a day-by-day, moment-by-moment basis. Or as 1 John says, "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth."

If you are married, about to be married or thinking about marrying, we truly can't recommend this conference enough.

The Movies We Love With The One We Love

Marriage is awesome. As our good friend put it while we were engaged: "You never have to leave your best friend..." Of course, shortly thereafter he added, "And you get to go all the way, every time." Both are true statements. But let's focus on the first. (The latter doesn't need an explanation anyway.)

Outside of our time spent at work, Nicole and I spend almost every waking moment together. When you have that much time, you can do a lot. But you find very quickly that there are a few things you particularly enjoy doing together, and as a result, do frequently. We like trying new restaurants. We love walking old town Scottsdale. We find ourselves at Barnes & Noble fairly often, reading and writing together. But most of all, we love movies.

There isn't one aspect of film I don't enjoy. The cinematography, the script, the characters, the acting, the lighting. I love it all. Every aspect of them. And Nicole, bless her heart, has come to enjoy movies more as a result of being with me. I've introduced her to some classics and she's introduced me to a couple good flicks as well. Considering the fact that a lot of our friends have recently been married, engaged or began dating, here are a couple of our favorites, good for watching with that special someone in your life.

Almost Famous
It's probably Nicole and my favorite movie to watch together. It's just so... perfect. There isn't one wrong beat to this movie. Every performance is stellar. The music is fantastic (one of which is our song). The story is just so heartfelt... and it's true, too. If you haven't seen this one, pick it up.

Moonstruck
Yes, it stars Cher. But it's just so dang good. And funny. And realistic in its own quarky way. Cage and Cher are a perfect match in this flick. Definitely worth a watch (and a rewatch and a rewatch). It's on Nicole's top 10 list of all time. And I don't think it's too bad, either.

When Harry Met Sally
As far as romantic comedies go, it doesn't get much better than this. Billy Crystal. Meg Ryan. The famous "I'll have what she's having" scene. Always a sure-fire date movie winner.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I wish everyone would see this movie. It was my favorite film of the year a couple years back and it's just full of imagination, comedy, romance and... a lesson on ethics. Not a movie you would expect Jim Carrey in, but wonderful nonetheless. Please see this movie.

Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain
Also known as Amelie to those who don't speak French (Nic and I included), this is a delightful and fantastical film, full of whimsy and humor. With beautiful cinematography and one of the most original screenplays around, be sure to catch this film if you haven't already. And men, you may even get extra points for renting a film that's French. Anything French feels more romantic.

True Romance
This one isn't for everyone, but Nicole loves it and introduced me to it this past Valentine's Day. It's definitely a more violent romance than you would typically expect with a movie, but what would you expect coming from the likes of Quentin Tarantino and Tony Scott. The tagline for the film reads: "Stealing, cheating, killing. Who said romance is dead?" Like I said, it's not for everyone, but we like it.

The Constant Gardner
One of last year's best films, hands down. While on the surface it seems like an international thriller and mystery, right below that surface is one of the most beautiful romances ever captured on screen. Truly a beautiful film with fine performances from Ralph Fiennes and Rachel Weisz, directed by the always excellent Fernando Meirelles.

Lost In Translation
In my personal opinion, this is Bill Murray's best film yet. It doesn't display the full capability of Murray's wackiness and humor, found in films like Groundhog Day and What About Bob, but this film isn't about wackiness. Unlike most films in which everything needs to be spelled out and labeled and tied up in little bow, the beauty in this film is found in everything that is unsaid between Bill Murray's character along with Scarlett Johansson. One to see, even if you don't like Bill Murray.

Fever Pitch
It's one of those movies you wouldn't expect to be funny, or cute, or romantic, but actually is. Much better than the typical romantic comedy fare, Fever Pitch hits a homerun with men and women. It's funny enough for the guys but romantic enough for the ladies.

Die Hard
Okay, so this one isn't really the most romantic movie in the world, but gosh is it good. And Nicole and I love it. When I found out Nic loved it as much as I did, I knew I had found the perfect mate. When you're not in that lovey dovey movie mood, this is the one to get. And there's still romance... sort of... if you count that super duper kiss at the end of the movie between the very bloody and injured John McClane (played by Bruce Willis) and his wife. Now that's love.

So, there you have it. Some of our top faves. But it's not just the movies that we love. It's the fact that we get to watch these movies together. Whether we're at the theatre or we're just laying in front of the flicker of our television on the mattress we roll out to the family room, we silently watch these and other films thinking how lucky we are to have our movie buddy right there next to us. Our movie buddy for life. Our best friend.

Your First of Many

I don’t even know your name. And yet I feel nothing but love for you. A love so profound and so complete and so overwhelming that it has kept me up, into the early hours of this January morning, writing to you. Your first letter. Your first of many.

Whoever you are, whoever you become, you have my heart and my love and my support and whatever else you need all the days of my life. My love for you is deep and wide and greater than I will ever be able to explain or prove in a single sentence or action. Even in the times when you may think I am frustrated with you. Angry or disappointed. With or without reason. Even then I will love you. I will always love you. Whoever you are. Whoever you become. Not just because I am supposed to do so. Not just because I will force myself to do so.

Because I will not be able to help myself.

I will love you and love you and love you with all of me. I want you to know my love and feel my love and believe my love every day of your life. I want you to know and feel and believe that I am here for you anytime you need or just want me nearby. I want you to know and feel and believe that I would do anything for you. Anything. Including sacrifice my own life.

As I told you. It’s late. Or early depending on how you look at it. But all I can do is sit on my couch in the stillness and soft dark of night, thinking of you. Imagining. Praying. Writing more. I love you so much already. So undeniably. So uncontrollably. So inexplicably.

And all for a child I have not yet even met. For a child whose name I do not even know. For you. My firstborn.

"Then the eyes of both of them were opened..."

Remember all those habits and idiosyncrasies you had when you were single that didn’t seem weird at the time? Yeah. Well. I’ve come to realize that I had a lot of those. And I still do.

For instance (and this is a big for instance), every time I finish showering, I proceed directly to the toilet, where I wipe myself. Yes, my butt. I won’t go too much into the details, but I always feel like that region won’t fully dry without a good up-and-down wiping. Even though I have done this for years and never thought that much about it, the first time Nic caught me still dripping wet from the shower, squatting, fingers holding onto a big clump of moist toilet paper, wiping myself, I pitifully whimpered, “Crap.” Actually, it sounded more like, “crap…” She said it looked as if I was about to cry.

I imagine it’s a lot like Adam and Eve must have felt after sinning. In Genesis 3:7 it reads, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked…” That’s exactly how it felt. Not that marrying Nicole was comparable to the fall of man. It’s just that, when she beheld me in all of my naked, squatting glory, immediately, I knew using toilet paper to dry the hidden region of my body was totally weird. Neurotic. Just plain gross.

There are other examples, too. Like how every time I brush my teeth, I gag myself due to how far back I reach the toothbrush to rid my tongue of all the junk that causes bad breath. Or how I circle the house when I’m ready to leave and waiting on somebody (a.k.a. her). Or, how I shave the little hairs that spring up around my nipples like weeds in spring. Yes, these and many other strange things, no matter how strange and unusual they may seem, are all a part of the moy (half man, half boy) that is me. And while Nic, too, has some different idiosyncrasies and habits, I confidently state that they are nowhere nearly as strange as mine. And besides, I don’t think I would be allowed to tell about them here.

But, when I think about all this, I know that it’s just another intricate part of marriage. When you marry, you get everything. And I mean everything. The habits. The funny sayings. The irrational fears. The pet peeves. Even the weird little things that become a part of your loved one’s everyday routine. That may include butt wipe drying. It may not. But you know what? You keep falling in love despite that stuff. And the weirdest thing of all is, sometimes you may even find yourself falling in love because of that stuff.

36 Days Into It

It’s been just over one month now. Thirty six days to be exact. And what a 36 days it’s been. I’m not quite sure how to capture the essence of our life’s first month together. There’s the obvious humor that accompanies marriage. For instance, now that I have someone sleeping next to me every night, I am debriefed daily about my sleep talking adventures. Of course, Nic just eggs me on and shares nonsensical dialogues with her husband, keeping her laughter down so that she does not wake me and she can enjoy the comedy for as long as possible. Take the other night for example. I had fallen asleep as we watched a movie. Out of nowhere, I shouted, “World’s biggest retards!!!” She asked me to repeat myself, so I less excitedly exclaimed, “World’s biggest retards!” Trying to understand my path of logic, she asked to whom I was referring. Quietly and frustrated, I said, “People.” I do not recall any of this, as I remember none of my sleep talking, but she says it happens. And believe me when I say that this is only one example among countless. She will be happy to elaborate upon other dialogues.

But the moments of comedy and humor aside, it is still difficult to relay the essence of married life. One thing we have both realized is the essentiality of Christ being at the center. This was realized when we were engaged, but even more so now, our individual relationships with Christ are so critical. A couple that met with us weekly before we were married said, “It’s great when we get to spend time with the Lord together, but it’s more critical that I spend time with the Lord alone daily.” I don’t know if everyone thinks that when you marry the love of your life you are something “spiritual” happens. But we have found that, while there is a significant spiritual element of the marriage that occurs upon making your vows, it is far more important to remain focused on your individual love relationship with Christ. Nic and I have read the Bible together, prayed together, and discussed spiritual matters together, but last night we talked about practical ways to encourage our individual romance with God before our romance with each other. I couldn’t have fully understood the enormously vast importance of this before marriage, but now my understanding and practice of this principle is ever more necessary as it decides the success and blessing of not only my life, but Nicole’s. So today, I’m doing exactly that. Nic is working (very much against her will) and I’m reading the Word, listening to praise music, and writing. I feel revitalized, and feeling this, I know that our marriage will be positively impacted as well. It’s a double blessing really.

When we were engaged, unlike any relationship we had with others before, we realized this same thing—that our affections for one another were significantly affected, both negatively and positively, by the state of our individual walks with the Lord. That is to say, if I was not reading the Word and walking in the Spirit, Nicole did not feel as affectionately for me, and likewise, if she was not doing well, I did not feel as passionately about her. It’s scary. To know that the quality of my horizontal relationship with Nicole is hugely impacted by vertical relationship with Christ is frightening. It just goes to show how big a role Christ plays in our life, and not just some aspects of it, but every aspect. Things don’t change when you marry. And I’m sure this is not the last time God will have to remind Nic and me about this fact.

There’s more to tell, sure, but I’m still figuring out how to convey the rest. We’re only 36 days in, so just give me some time and I’ll try and let you know what this marriage thing is like. I do know this though. I love Nicole more every single day. Every morning that I wake up next to her, I know that, no matter what may happen in the day, I have the ineffable blessing of coming home to an amazing, Godly, beautiful woman; my love; my wife.