Memoirs of a Prego

For those of you that follow our blog you know that I rarely write anything. I leave the tongue-twisting, witty prose to my husband. But I was thinking in the shower the other day—where many of us do our best thinking—that I really should have been writing down all the emotions I’ve felt during pregnancy. And while I’m already 32 weeks along, with a mere 8 weeks to go, I figured now is as good a time as any to jot some of my thoughts down. I’ll look back and be glad I did. Riley can look back and laugh.

What do I dislike about being pregnant?

Weight gain — It’s not so much that I’ve just gained weight (I expected that), but that I’ve gained it all over.

Charlie horses — My calf cramping up in the middle of the night into a ball of twisted muscle.

Lots of doctor’s visits — I don’t dislike my doctor’s visits as a whole, but I do hate sitting in a waiting room for 40 minutes before being taken into another room where I continue to sit and wait. I’m also not a fan of peeing in a cup each and every time. Nor am I excited by the climb onto the mammoth scale that confirms only one thing: I am the mammoth.

Bloating — As if weight gain wasn’t enough.

Back aches and hip aches — I’m about to give birth but I feel like an 85 year-old woman.

Hormones — These dirty little devils are pretty much responsible for every annoying thing: heartburn, constipation, soreness, fatigue and facial hair. Yes, facial hair! I am the wooly mammoth.

Losing the ability to bend — It sounds silly, but you take things like putting on pants, shoes, socks, shaving your legs, reaching down to pick up something you dropped for granted. Suddenly, every movement that requires your abdomen to bend however slight is a whole new complicated set of contortions. Fun to watch for Jonathan I’m sure.

Frequent peeing — I now hold the position of official restroom tour guide for the greater Scottsdale area. If you’ve seen it, I’ve peed it.

My hair — It has turned into some kind of straw, grass-like material. Lovely.

Burping — It was pretty entertaining at first. Whereas once the most I could manage, with the assistance of Dr. Pepper, was a sad little hiccup of a burp, I am now able (and required it seems) to belch out the nastiest, loudest, rip-roarenest burps of all time. While funny at first, now it’s just gross.

What do I love about being pregnant?

Men — No, really. I love watching men who would normally never throw me a glance suddenly stop what their doing, or turn around, or drop everything to open a door for me. It is silly and reminds me that everybody loves a pregnant lady. Of course, my man is still the best.

Shopping — Two kinds here. First, I love shopping for maternity clothes. Buying things two sizes bigger than you normally wear can be depressing, but hey, shopping is shopping. Second, I love buying baby clothes; itty bitty, adorable, ruffled, foo-foo, pink and purple outfits everywhere. She is going to be the best dressed little baby in the whole darn city.

My fuller bust line — Need I explain?

The Silent Code — Whenever I see another pregnant woman or a mom with a brand new infant, there is a silent exchange of sympathy and excitement. Sometimes it’s a nod, other times it’s a wink or a smile. The point is that we both acknowledge the mutual experience for all the goodness (and anti-goodness) it holds.

Massages from my husband — Granted, they hurt and I whine and complain, but they are so wonderful. Most nights I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without Jonathan kneading my doughy body.

Not getting a period — Period.

Family excitement — The news of little Riley and her arrival has created quite a buzz among our family. Everyone is just so excited. It is a blessing to see and be a part of such a joyous time.

Getting to call my mom “grandma” — More fun than I thought.

Ice cream — As if I needed an excuse.

My belly — While it represents much of my weight gain (which I despise) it also represents life, and newness, and being a woman, and God’s gift. I rub it. I rest cups on it while watching TV. I oil it up to prevent stretch marks. I talk to it… hoping Riley can hear. It is my badge of courage and proof that the Lord is good.

Feeling Riley move — The first flutters were amazing. I was still kind of nauseous, too, so it would feel like a dip on a roller coaster. Now, 8 months in, she is bigger and stronger. She twists, kicks, pushes, reclines. At night I lay on my side and Jonathan lays next to me with his hand across my belly, resting it still so he can catch every movement. She always kicks for daddy. She is real, alive, growing, beautiful… and thank the Lord, she will be here soon!

A Little More Regarding Us

Recently, we performed this exercise with a married couples group where we had to write down our likes, dislikes, one thing someone totally wouldn't guess about us and favorite things about our spouses. The results were somewhat entertaining, and since this site is regarding us afterall, we figured it might be another good way for all of you loyal readers out there to learn a little more about who we are, not only as a couple, but as individuals. So, whether you're interested or not, here ya go.

Nicole...

Likes: Warm sheets fresh out of the dryer; rainy days, especially those spent in a coffee shop or in bed; lazy Saturday afternoons with my husband; finding a bargain; ice cream-actually anything sweet; concerts that get the whole audience signing along; my mother’s laugh; sand in my toes; ladybugs; road trips; the feeling of your hair right after a great hair cut; poetry and short stories (good ones); playing cards all night with my husband's family; the smell of babies (minus the dirty diaper smell); stick shifts; camping; sticking my hand out the window while driving down the road doing that up and down thing; hockey games, in person; nice hotel rooms with fluffy bath robes; fresh snow; a nice glass of wine, preferably Shiraz; aspen trees; fresh squeezed orange juice; holding my husband’s hand; spring and fall; slippers; cats; action movies with lots of guns and fighting; glossy magazines; the legislative process; trying new recipes; the book of James; the Cookie Monster; the smell of suntan lotion; a smile from a stranger.

Dislikes: Standing in line; loud cell phone rings; driving, especially during rush hour; poor service at a restaurant; kids with dirty faces and Kool-Aid stained mouths; parking lots and everything that goes on in parking lots; most 80’s music; typing; stepping on gum; sticking to your car seat in the middle of summer; people who cannot dance but insist on dancing; anything played on KYOT; gossipers; awkward silences; body odor; roaches; clowns; most anything trendy; mom jeans; rubbery pancakes; bills; doing dishes; organ music; public restrooms, especially port-a-potties; over-sleeping; running late; spilling something on a white shirt; a stuffy nose; morning breath; know-it-alls.

One thing someone totally wouldn't guess about me: Most (white) people (no offense) usually cannot guess that I am mulatto-that is half black and half white. Yup, I’m an oreo.

Favorite thing about my spouse: Hmm… there really is a lot to love. But before Jonathan and I were married, not even dating, he had asked in our home group what people were looking for in a mate. He called on me. The first thing out of my mouth was kindness. Genuine kindness is sexy and contagious. Jonathan is one of the most genuinely kind people I have ever known. He smiles at strangers, he gets people at stores and behind counters to light up, giggle, joke. He helps people have a better day. He has the ability to make someone feel like they are the only person in the room. It encourages me to do the same. It is one of his most Christ-like characteristics and I am so appreciative.

Jonathan...

Likes: Really weird independant films that most people have never even heard of; otters; the A Team; boxer briefs; peeing after I've been holding it for a long time; funny commercials, like this one; people falling on their faces; hot sex with my hot wife; blogging; performing idiotic and otherwise ridiculous Jackassesque stunts just to watch people's reactions and/or to come out of it all with a good story; oranges; billion dollar ideas that may lead to my early retirement and a financially secure future for my children's children's children; goofing off at work on occassion; rainy days; positive recognition; skiing; interior decorating (I know, I know, but I am married to a woman); peeling glue off my hands and fingers; writing; looking in the mirror right after a shower; Friday date nights; packed lunches; traveling; making funny voices when I call people; not being a woman; playing footsies under the covers with my wife right before we fall asleep and right after we wake up in the morning.

Dislikes: Endings that totally ruin movies which could have otherwise been good or even great; when my wife brings up how many girls I've kissed; looking in the mirror right after dinner; thinking unhappy thoughts; compulsive liars; when people tell good jokes poorly; dust bunnies; taking care of my front and back yard; negative recognition; people that complain all the time and yet, for some reason, never do anything about resolving their complaint(s); mean people; mononucleosis; debt; working three jobs at a time; feeling hot (temperature wise).

One Thing Someone Totally Wouldn't Guess About Me: I have huge, huge, huge nipples. I'm talking large.

Favorite Thing About My Spouse: I only get to pick one thing? Geez, that's a toughie. Okay, this may sound corny, but it's so true. When I finally started dating her, I realized that she was everything I always wanted but didn't know how to even pray or hope for. Some of her characteristics I knew I wanted well before I met her, but so much of who she is that I didn't even realize I wanted (and needed), God brought to me through Nic.

There you have it. Now you know a little more about us. We hope you feel enlightened.

Monsters Everywhere

My poor wife. She's a brave woman typically, but when it comes to roaches, her fear is... well, let's just say she could be a little more rational in this area. She's so practical, but when she saw the first roach in the kitchen, she wanted to drape all the furniture and fumigate the whole house. Another time, she asked if we could move. I told her "Sure. To the dark side of the moon. Where we would never have to see them again." Needless to say, she didn't find that funny.

Since that first roach, she's become much more brave, largely because she's had to. We've had more. But honestly, I kind of like it. Don't get me wrong, I hate seeing her scared (though it is funny at times). You see, when she screams, that's my queue to come to the rescue, galloping on my white steed (or slipping down the hallway in my white socks) with my sword drawn and ready for battle (or at least my Raid can ready to spray). It gives me a sense of manliness. More so, though, it proves once again why two are always better than one. Because whatever fear, weakness, or who knows what else we may face alone, when together in those moments you can let your mate know, whether with words, a look you mutually come to understand, or, in a case like this, a good loud shriek, that you need them. And that's what marriage is all about.

The Honey-Do List

Believe me when I say there are a ton of things I need to do inside, outside and around the house. From yard work to painting to trash removal and everything in between, it's a long list.

This week, while Nic was stretching her expanding belly at Yoga class, I decided I would start on some of the items I knew needed completion. Following a trip to Home Depot for the necessary supplies and a little weed work out front, I started on the hall bathroom toilet. The water's been overflowing, requiring us to turn off the water supply after every restroom use. Annoyed isn't quite the word to fully explain my frustration with this problem.

So, after a long time of procrastination, I started to replace our old ballcock (seriously, that's the name for the toilet part). After I finished the instillation, I turned the water back on. Much to my surprise, I hadn't sufficiently locked one of the mechanisms, thereby resulting in a steady and cold stream of water shooting straight out of the toilet, up into my face, and all around the bathroom. It was straight out of a slapstick comedy. Luckily, Nicole wasn't there to see it. Unfortunately, however, a short while later when Nicole was home, I tried unlocking the ballcock to move it higher and raise the water supply to the appropriate level. What I didn't know was that I had accidentally left the water on, and therefore, it happened again. Like Old Faithful, the toilet shot water to the ceiling of the bathroom, directly into my face and all over Nicole's jewelry and other accessories.

While it was funny after the fact, all I kept thinking as I worked on the toilet tank was Thank You, Lord I'm not a plumber. Ah, the joys of marriage and the never ending honey-do list. I did get a nice kiss out of my hard work, though. And that always makes up for toilet water shooting into your eyes.

Here's The Skinny...

Okay, okay, so we haven’t written in a while. We both know (and feel kind of bad about it). We’ve had other things on our minds (and in our tummies, or at least Nicole’s tummy). But, we want to update you together, and so, here’s the skinny…

Nicole feels fat.
She’s not, but she feels it. A little tummy is forming (while not nearly to the point the thinks), revealing the new home of our child, whom we call “Bam Bam” for now.

We’ll see you at the Barely Legal Beach Club.
Just kidding. Nicole’s reading Get Out magazine and we like laughing at the ads. We will definitely not see you at the Barely Legal Beach Club.

Jonathan’s gassy.
Well, that’s not actually news, but it was just something that came to mind.

Nicole’s pregnant emotions are funny.
She can’t help it. Her emotions range from hysterical, uncontrollable laughter to tearing up at cotton commercials and everything in between. Jonathan has handled it well, but gets a good kick out of it. One night a little while ago, Nicole was up late due to a racing heart. We took a shower around 3:00 a.m. to help her calm down. As we hugged, she went back and forth from laughing to crying to doing both at the exact same time. It was a priceless moment.

It may rain soon.
Jonathan has been praying for no rain since it last rained (and as we know from the Bible, the prayer of a faithful man accomplishes much). Why, you ask? Because our roof had been damaged and no companies were willing to repair the small section which surely would have led to massive leaking. Finally, though, we found Larry the Roofer, our roof has been fixed and Jonathan believes that it will rain again soon.

Jonathan cries a lot just thinking about our child.
For example, the other night we watched Ransom, starring Mel Gibson. Everything was fine until Mel and Rene Russo’s character walk in on their child in handcuffs and blindfolded by duct tape. Jonathan broke down crying just thinking about the possibility of something like that ever happening to our child. It’s horrible to even think about. Most of the time he’s excited about what Bam Bam will look like, who Bam Bam will turn out being, but sometimes Jonathan just starts crying, both in joy and in fear, for all types of reasons.

The ostrich festival is coming to town.
Just another thing Nicole read about from Get Out magazine this week. If you have nothing better to do.

We’re addicted to 24.
Ever since we borrowed the first season from my parents, we’ve been hooked. It’s television heroine. We’re on season three now, and that’s in just two month’s time. If you haven’t watched it, you have to check it out. Jonathan wants to make a shirt that reads “Jack Bauer is my hero.” Seriously.

You should check out Financial Peace University.
We started taking this class together at Open Door Fellowship. Nicole had taken it before we were married and vowed that she would take the class again with her husband. It’s such an awesome class and we encourage everyone, married or unmarried, to take it at some time or another (the sooner the better). Check out DaveRamsey.com for more info. We guarantee it will bless you and your family.

And that’s all for now.
Hopefully this was a good enough update to keep you satisfied for a while. You can keep praying for Nicole and the safety of Bam Bam. We’ll be finding out if it’s a boy or girl in one month, so we’ll let you know when we do. We’re pretty sure it’s going to be a boy, in which case the name Kyle James is the leading contender for now, but we’ll tell you when we know for sure. Thanks for reading and being patient while waiting for this post. Not like this was Star Wars Episode 3 or anything, but we appreciate your encouragement and caring about all three of our lives (Bam Bam’s included). God bless!

The Beginning

“Congratulations!” “We’re so excited for you!” “Are you thrilled?” Wow, it seems as if I just heard all those comments, only in reference to my wedding, three short months ago. But here Jonathan and I are again, hearing such familiar words. Only now they are referring to “the baby.”

Yes, as many of you already know... I’m pregnant... We’re pregnant. Three months in and already a bun in the oven. Scared? Of course. Overjoyed? Absolutely. Nauseous? Periodically throughout the day. Tired? All the stinkin’ time.

The story itself is funny. It suits Jonathan and me. It seems fitting that we would be pregnant so soon. Neither of us are “slow movers,” Jonathan even more so, and pardon the crassness, but neither are his sperm.

I took seven pregnancy tests (yes, seven). The first four read yes, no, yes, no. “Hmmm. Do I tell him now or wait 'till I know for sure. I can’t be pregnant. I’m not pregnant. That flip my stomach keeps doing is just the flu going around... no big deal. Just relax... your period is right around the corner.”

Last Monday, I spent thirty minutes at work feeling completely sick to my stomach. I was leaning against the wall drinking gingerale when one of my co-workers asked me jokingly, “Are you farther along than you think?” “Ha, ha,” I chuckled. “Farther along? Farther along than what? I am NOT pregnant.” That night, Jonathan and I agreed to buy a box of three tests, just to be sure either way. Two minutes after peeing on a stick, a bright solid blue + sign appeared. A + sign is positive. Positive is yes. Yes is “baby on board.” I stared at the stick sitting on the bathroom counter, blank faced, jaw wide open. In a flash, as the fuzzy blue lines became the crisp symbol of things ahead, a thousand thoughts flashed through my mind. “Getting fat, swollen ankles, breastfeeding, no more sleep, staying home, strollers, I’m not ready... I’m too young... labor... AHH... labor pains... we’ve only been married a few months... contractions!!!... Getting fat... we can’t afford this... how is this possible... nine months, remember, he/she won’t be here for 9 months... wow... whoa... I feel sick... thank You Lord... You think we’re ready... I’m scared... but thank You... thank You... thank You...” Meanwhile, Jonathan is running around the house in his boxers, jumping on the bed, screaming, woohooing, proclaiming “I'm gonna be a dad!”

It hasn’t all sunk in, and it probably won’t until we see our baby’s shining face. Even then we might be a little awe struck. We probably will be. But this gift is amazing. God gives more than we deserve, more than we hope for, or even know to hope for. Our Abba. Amazing. Good. Glorious.

There are, of course, many stories already that we wish to share with you all. And we will. Our life just got a whole lot more interesting, funny, and blessed. Please keep us (all three) in your prayers... and thank you for sharing in our love story as it unfolds.

Happy Birthday, Mom!

The other night we went over to my parent's house. It's my mom's birthday tomorrow and we were too impatient to give her the present. So, sitting there at the table, she opened up her birthday card while my dad hung over her shoulder. We had looked at a lot of different birthday cards, or as many as Safeway carries at 10 o’clock at night, but finally decided on the cheesiest of them all. It had big, ugly flowers all over it. The type of flowers you might see in a mural or picture at your grandma’s house. Fittingly, the card read, "Happy Birthday Grandma!" Fireworks! Excitement! Woohoo! Hooray for life! For love! For marriage! That's right everybody. We're pregnant! And while I used to never understand why husbands would say "we're pregnant," I understand now. Because it is about us. About our family. About the beautiful union between man and wife that God intended to be the start of new life.

While Nicole and I weren't necessarily trying to start a family, secretly for the past month, we've been wanting it. Since the moment we were married I've had an insatiable desire to have a child with her. Here we are, only two and a half months into marriage, beginning a whole different journey. It’s no longer just about this marriage thing. It’s about this parent thing. This family thing. Another reason for you readers to visit our blog more frequently.

When my mom opened the card, she asked, “Is this a joke?” Then reading what we had written inside, she and my dad knew immediately. They’re going to be grandparents. They just bought this 1990 Buick that is so old school, after they opened the card I told them that they already have the car for it. The thing has grandparents written all over it. I think when they drive it I’ll refer to them as Ethel and Fred. That’ll really solidify the yes-you’re-old-get-over-it fact of the matter. My dad already knows, but my mom’s a little bit in denial. A couple months back she looked at me, straight-faced and said, “Jon, I have friends around fifty.” I didn’t hesitate to tell her that she was around fifty. Bottom line though—they’re excited. Just like the rest of our family. Screaming, one swear word, laughing and a “Whoooooops” from my brother were some of the reactions we received. My father-in-law, Bill said that he didn’t have enough Disney movies yet. Sorry, Bill. Better pick up the pace of that collection.

We both have no idea what's in store over these next eight or nine months. What kind of surprises we'll face. What kind of cravings Nicole will experience. How much vomiting will ensue. When and how greatly my sympathy pains will affect me. But these are all things we're ready to face together. With power from the Holy Spirit of course. When you think about it, please pray for us and for our infinitesimally small and growing child.

Life is good. Marriage is good. All of it's so stinking good.

I’m kind of rambling right now, but I don’t know exactly what to say. I’m missing something, but I’m sure it’ll come out later. For now, we just wanted to get the word out. I wanna shout it from the rooftops. I'm gonna be a father. I'M GONNA BE A DAD! When I emailed one of my friends the good news, he replied, "Holy crap! Congratulations!" Holy crap is right. Holy crap!

And one more thing. Thank you, Lord!

Supplemental Benefit 2: Someone with whom to Share a TV Series Addiction

I haven’t had cable for over two years now. In fact, I haven’t even had television reception. So, the opportunity for me to become addicted to any TV shows has been non-existent. Movies have always been my preferred choice of entertainment by a long shot. That is, until Scrubs.

At Blockbuster a few weeks ago, Nic and I decided to rent the first eight episodes of the show instead of the latest new release for a change. The result: complete and utter addiction. We haven’t been able to stop. It’s television cocaine. We plowed through the first season’s twenty four episodes in a few days. And for Christmas, my brother bought us the complete second season on DVD (which is, for some reason I still can’t understand, unavailable at Blockbuster). While I’m sure I would have enjoyed the delightful series by myself, it’s so much better having your loved one right there with you, just as addicted, rooting for your favorite characters, laughing at the same moments, sniffling at others, and so on. In fact, we love the show so much, we just slide a mattress out to the middle of the family room and watch episode after episode when it’s Scrubs time, which is basically every night straight until we finish a season. We’re just about through the second season on DVD, so the mattress will be hidden again until we locate season three and sit through all the episodes like Star Wars geeks sitting through the entire saga in one sitting.

The humor. The tears. The character development. The favorite moments. We get to share them all together. It’s just another one of those little supplemental benefits you don’t think about when you originally consider popping the question. Or if it is, you need stop watching television and pick up a book or two.

One last little side note. If you haven’t seen Scrubs yet, just watch the first couple shows. You’ll be hooked.

"That's Married Life."

What people don’t tell you about marriage is that life keeps on happening when you say, “I do.” What I mean is: stuff keeps going wrong, work still sucks sometimes, the bills keep coming in the mail, etc, etc, etc. I think that, before that beautiful day, I thought life would somehow just change the next day. You know, the type of change you expect when you graduate high school, venturing off to college and into adulthood.

But that’s all wrong.

This past couple weeks has consisted of one thing after another thing after another thing breaking or going wrong. First, Nicole’s truck. Then, the toilet. After that, the kitchen sink. And then, our car. More significantly, Nic’s had some health issues and she has to go see the doctor. Of course, this all had to fall right smack dab in the middle of December, the month of presents, presents, and, did I mention presents? (If you’re reading this family, it looks like you’ll all be getting some very nice cards, accompanied by “thoughtful” presents. And if you feel so obligated, you can make checks payable to the Too-Much-Crap-In-One-Month-Cottrell Fund.)

Last night, Nic and I went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, sort of as an unspoken last meal until late January. It was scrumptious. Occasions such as that always make the meal taste better. Sitting there next to each other, we leaned our heads on each other’s shoulders, we ate well, and we laughed. We talked about how nice it is to know that, no matter how difficult things may become at times, we have each other to “lean on.” I didn’t break into song and dance even with the cue, because Nic verbalized it better. We have each other to “bear one another’s burdens.” Exactly.

If all this stuff wasn’t enough, this morning, we both woke up sick, the car turned out being more expensive than estimated, and I smell like vitamins. Flinstone vitamins. I don’t know how it happened. I just pulled my shirt out of the closet today and, after trying to locate the smell for a while, I realized the smell was not actually trailing, but it was on me. I’m not sure which little artificially flavored character I smell like—Fred, Barney, Wilma, Dino, Bam Bam, maybe just the collected smell of all the vitamins in a single bottle—but when it’s one thing after another like Nic and I have been experiencing lately, eventually, you just have to stop and laugh.

And the laughs just keep on rolling. Tonight, after I picked up Nicole from work, we walked into the house with a great big surprise waiting for us. As Nic turned the corner to enter the kitchen, she looked into our lounge and gasped. She stopped me and said, “Jonathan, pray before you enter this room,” quickly followed by, “Can I just tell you what happened.” Quite unfortunately, our water heater had begun leaking everywhere. It’s nothing a 16-gallon ShopVac couldn’t cleanup after three hours. Nonetheless, it was just a little too much at that moment. No worries, though, Nic and I are doing well, camped out at my parents’ house, mooching from my mom’s extremely well stocked fridge, just like old times.

As I told my mom about all the, shall we say, exciting events of late, she quickly said, "That's married life," to which I responded, "No. It's just life, and we happened to be married." I mean, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health is all ringing a little truer right now than we would have hoped in our first two months together. But this stuff could happen to anyone. And somehow, despite the fact we don't think it could get any worse (and we don't want to jinx ourselves), the worse is much better than any better would be on my own.

"Then the eyes of both of them were opened..."

Remember all those habits and idiosyncrasies you had when you were single that didn’t seem weird at the time? Yeah. Well. I’ve come to realize that I had a lot of those. And I still do.

For instance (and this is a big for instance), every time I finish showering, I proceed directly to the toilet, where I wipe myself. Yes, my butt. I won’t go too much into the details, but I always feel like that region won’t fully dry without a good up-and-down wiping. Even though I have done this for years and never thought that much about it, the first time Nic caught me still dripping wet from the shower, squatting, fingers holding onto a big clump of moist toilet paper, wiping myself, I pitifully whimpered, “Crap.” Actually, it sounded more like, “crap…” She said it looked as if I was about to cry.

I imagine it’s a lot like Adam and Eve must have felt after sinning. In Genesis 3:7 it reads, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked…” That’s exactly how it felt. Not that marrying Nicole was comparable to the fall of man. It’s just that, when she beheld me in all of my naked, squatting glory, immediately, I knew using toilet paper to dry the hidden region of my body was totally weird. Neurotic. Just plain gross.

There are other examples, too. Like how every time I brush my teeth, I gag myself due to how far back I reach the toothbrush to rid my tongue of all the junk that causes bad breath. Or how I circle the house when I’m ready to leave and waiting on somebody (a.k.a. her). Or, how I shave the little hairs that spring up around my nipples like weeds in spring. Yes, these and many other strange things, no matter how strange and unusual they may seem, are all a part of the moy (half man, half boy) that is me. And while Nic, too, has some different idiosyncrasies and habits, I confidently state that they are nowhere nearly as strange as mine. And besides, I don’t think I would be allowed to tell about them here.

But, when I think about all this, I know that it’s just another intricate part of marriage. When you marry, you get everything. And I mean everything. The habits. The funny sayings. The irrational fears. The pet peeves. Even the weird little things that become a part of your loved one’s everyday routine. That may include butt wipe drying. It may not. But you know what? You keep falling in love despite that stuff. And the weirdest thing of all is, sometimes you may even find yourself falling in love because of that stuff.

Observations by Nicole C.

Jonathan told me the other day that he had started a blog for us, a place for us to write about our new adventures in marriage. I laughed and felt certain that he would supply plenty of material for the site. But then he told me that he was expecting me to contribute and add my own anecdotes and insight into “this marriage thing.” I figured, what the hey. If anything, we could get a few laughs.

Our Slumber Parties
Initially, everyone’s first question (besides “when are you having babies,”) is: “So how’s married life?” A question to which Jonathan quickly answers, “It’s great!” I, on the other hand, would say something more like, “Well, I don’t know exactly, we’ve only been married about a month. If anything, it feels like a slumber party.” And it does. Putting on our PJ’s, snuggling up next to each other (among other things), lighting candles and laying in bed talking and giggling well past our bed times—it feels exactly like a slumber party (only co-ed and legal). Waking up together in the early morning, snuggling some more, making breakfast on Saturday mornings, getting ready for the day together feels like you have gotten to have the world’s best sleepover with your world’s best friend. And you get to share in that joy everyday day and night.

Like Husband Like Wife
Jonathan and I pride ourselves in comparing our differences. We get a kick out of how truly different we really are from one another. Not until we were married though did even more of our differences surface. And not until we were married did we get to observe how the other person operates in their daily routine. Jonathan for example, I never knew, is a really bad looker. By “bad looker” I mean, he was the kid who would yell for help from his mom because he couldn’t find his socks, yet all the time they would be right under his left foot. Nearly four to five times a week (no exaggeration) Jonathan misplaces something; usually it’s his keys, and/or phone, and/or wallet. Upon realizing he cannot find them, he begins on what should be a search for the missing items, but what is actually just him turning his head from side to side, wherever he is standing, and then proceeding to call for my help in his search. During this time I actually walk around the house and almost always find the item in question within a foot of where Jonathan is standing. “You’re such a bad looker,” I’ll say.

Jonathan on the other hand, while being somewhat foretold of my love of sleeping before marriage, has become quickly inundated with earlier bed times, later sleeping-in, and more frequent naps. He has been a good sport, allowing me a nap when he would much rather be doing other things. He has retired to bed earlier than he would like and has overslept on a Saturday or two, all to be next to me.

Lately however, I have noticed both mine and Jonathan’s “bad looking” and need for sleep rubbing off on one another. I seem, for instance, to find myself misplacing, well… everything—my keys, my phone, my purse, my money. I call to Jonathan to ask him if he has seen the item in question, he grins and says, “You’re such a bad looker,” mockingly. Later that night, while watching a movie, he will fall asleep long before me. I’ll wake him and put him to bed. In the morning, he’ll hit snooze three times and mumble something about wanting more sleep. I pull him close and grin, think to myself “...and the two shall become one…” and I laugh.

Supplemental Benefit 1: Packed Lunches

I’m convinced. One of the very best things about marriage is daily packed lunches. I may be overstating the greatness of this seemingly small benefit, but I think it's absolutely fantastic. Seriously, since we’ve been married, I haven’t once paid to eat out. Not only am I saving time and money, though, I’m losing weight. I think lunch is only half the cause of this last effect, but nonetheless, it helps.

One thing I forget sometimes is Nic writes these corny little names on my lunch sack. Don Juan, Hunk of Burning Love, Prince Charming, The J in “N and J”, Hubby, and World’s Best Kisser are among a few of the most recent titles. So yesterday, as I’m sitting having lunch with someone at work in the break room, I notice he keeps looking at me strangely. Not until after he left and I go to throw away my lunch sack did I recall big fat Studalicious in permanent black ink was facing him as we ate. I don’t want to know what he thought.

36 Days Into It

It’s been just over one month now. Thirty six days to be exact. And what a 36 days it’s been. I’m not quite sure how to capture the essence of our life’s first month together. There’s the obvious humor that accompanies marriage. For instance, now that I have someone sleeping next to me every night, I am debriefed daily about my sleep talking adventures. Of course, Nic just eggs me on and shares nonsensical dialogues with her husband, keeping her laughter down so that she does not wake me and she can enjoy the comedy for as long as possible. Take the other night for example. I had fallen asleep as we watched a movie. Out of nowhere, I shouted, “World’s biggest retards!!!” She asked me to repeat myself, so I less excitedly exclaimed, “World’s biggest retards!” Trying to understand my path of logic, she asked to whom I was referring. Quietly and frustrated, I said, “People.” I do not recall any of this, as I remember none of my sleep talking, but she says it happens. And believe me when I say that this is only one example among countless. She will be happy to elaborate upon other dialogues.

But the moments of comedy and humor aside, it is still difficult to relay the essence of married life. One thing we have both realized is the essentiality of Christ being at the center. This was realized when we were engaged, but even more so now, our individual relationships with Christ are so critical. A couple that met with us weekly before we were married said, “It’s great when we get to spend time with the Lord together, but it’s more critical that I spend time with the Lord alone daily.” I don’t know if everyone thinks that when you marry the love of your life you are something “spiritual” happens. But we have found that, while there is a significant spiritual element of the marriage that occurs upon making your vows, it is far more important to remain focused on your individual love relationship with Christ. Nic and I have read the Bible together, prayed together, and discussed spiritual matters together, but last night we talked about practical ways to encourage our individual romance with God before our romance with each other. I couldn’t have fully understood the enormously vast importance of this before marriage, but now my understanding and practice of this principle is ever more necessary as it decides the success and blessing of not only my life, but Nicole’s. So today, I’m doing exactly that. Nic is working (very much against her will) and I’m reading the Word, listening to praise music, and writing. I feel revitalized, and feeling this, I know that our marriage will be positively impacted as well. It’s a double blessing really.

When we were engaged, unlike any relationship we had with others before, we realized this same thing—that our affections for one another were significantly affected, both negatively and positively, by the state of our individual walks with the Lord. That is to say, if I was not reading the Word and walking in the Spirit, Nicole did not feel as affectionately for me, and likewise, if she was not doing well, I did not feel as passionately about her. It’s scary. To know that the quality of my horizontal relationship with Nicole is hugely impacted by vertical relationship with Christ is frightening. It just goes to show how big a role Christ plays in our life, and not just some aspects of it, but every aspect. Things don’t change when you marry. And I’m sure this is not the last time God will have to remind Nic and me about this fact.

There’s more to tell, sure, but I’m still figuring out how to convey the rest. We’re only 36 days in, so just give me some time and I’ll try and let you know what this marriage thing is like. I do know this though. I love Nicole more every single day. Every morning that I wake up next to her, I know that, no matter what may happen in the day, I have the ineffable blessing of coming home to an amazing, Godly, beautiful woman; my love; my wife.