Supplemental Benefit 2: Someone with whom to Share a TV Series Addiction

I haven’t had cable for over two years now. In fact, I haven’t even had television reception. So, the opportunity for me to become addicted to any TV shows has been non-existent. Movies have always been my preferred choice of entertainment by a long shot. That is, until Scrubs.

At Blockbuster a few weeks ago, Nic and I decided to rent the first eight episodes of the show instead of the latest new release for a change. The result: complete and utter addiction. We haven’t been able to stop. It’s television cocaine. We plowed through the first season’s twenty four episodes in a few days. And for Christmas, my brother bought us the complete second season on DVD (which is, for some reason I still can’t understand, unavailable at Blockbuster). While I’m sure I would have enjoyed the delightful series by myself, it’s so much better having your loved one right there with you, just as addicted, rooting for your favorite characters, laughing at the same moments, sniffling at others, and so on. In fact, we love the show so much, we just slide a mattress out to the middle of the family room and watch episode after episode when it’s Scrubs time, which is basically every night straight until we finish a season. We’re just about through the second season on DVD, so the mattress will be hidden again until we locate season three and sit through all the episodes like Star Wars geeks sitting through the entire saga in one sitting.

The humor. The tears. The character development. The favorite moments. We get to share them all together. It’s just another one of those little supplemental benefits you don’t think about when you originally consider popping the question. Or if it is, you need stop watching television and pick up a book or two.

One last little side note. If you haven’t seen Scrubs yet, just watch the first couple shows. You’ll be hooked.

I'll Take Humility for a $1000 Please.

A year ago last December, Jonathan and I were just beginning. We had been dating only a few weeks when Jonathan told me about his “word for the year.” The idea is to choose a word, ideally a characteristic of God or Christian principle, and let that one word be your focus for the year. Jonathan’s word was stewardship, and the year before, patience. It seemed like a simple enough concept.

So, one sunny December afternoon, while driving with the windows down, the birds singing, wind blowing through my hair, I uttered these fateful words: “Lord, all the good things I am, are because of you, all the things I like about myself are the qualities you have given me. May I always appreciate that gift. May I always be humble enough to recognize who You have made me to be...” and it struck me… “Lord, I ask that humility be my word for the year.” And there it was. I had unknowingly sent my life in a completely different direction.

You see, God is always willing to answer those prayers—the break me, grow me, humble me prayers. So suddenly there I was dating Jonathan and every ounce of my self-esteem, it seemed had been sucked out of me. My usual self-confidence was wavering, my insecurities were mounting. Within weeks of praying that prayer I was fired from two jobs. I had never been fired from a job in my life. Soon after that, in a desperate move to “makeover” myself I cut off all my hair. I cried. Each morning when I stepped to the mirror I would fight back tears. How did this happen? Why did I look like a boy elf? Why, in my engagement to my future husband, was I looking and feeling my very worst?

Relationships with close friends began dissolving. Tensions grew between me and people I truly loved. Again and again, the Lord reminded me of my need to persevere and to recognize that my value was not tied to my job, or my haircut, or even my relationships with friends for that matter. It was all Him. And moreover, He was preparing me for marriage in a way I was unable to fully see... yet.

Kathy, my mother-in-law, at one point during this time asked me, “How is everything?” I thought for a moment. “Well, it feels like my life is falling apart. But Jonathan and I are great.” And there was the reality. In the midst of my ugliness, feeling beaten down, even hopeless at times, Jonathan was always Jonathan. While I was sad, grumpy, lacking confidence, and tired, he was supportive, encouraging, loving, forgiving, and patient. Our relationship never suffered. It flourished. God took my brokenness and started rebuilding. He took my willingness and began renewing. The process is not over. The year is not over.

I have discovered more and more ways that the Lord desires to grow me in my humility, most of them through my new marriage. I quickly realized that my heart and desire to serve Jonathan is linked explicitly to my desire to humble myself. My desire to humble myself is linked wholly to my view of myself against God. If I am nothing except for the wonderful things He has made me, well then, even when it does not feel like it, I am quite beautiful indeed, just like Jesus and Jonathan tell me.

But I will say this. Next year’s word: joy.

"That's Married Life."

What people don’t tell you about marriage is that life keeps on happening when you say, “I do.” What I mean is: stuff keeps going wrong, work still sucks sometimes, the bills keep coming in the mail, etc, etc, etc. I think that, before that beautiful day, I thought life would somehow just change the next day. You know, the type of change you expect when you graduate high school, venturing off to college and into adulthood.

But that’s all wrong.

This past couple weeks has consisted of one thing after another thing after another thing breaking or going wrong. First, Nicole’s truck. Then, the toilet. After that, the kitchen sink. And then, our car. More significantly, Nic’s had some health issues and she has to go see the doctor. Of course, this all had to fall right smack dab in the middle of December, the month of presents, presents, and, did I mention presents? (If you’re reading this family, it looks like you’ll all be getting some very nice cards, accompanied by “thoughtful” presents. And if you feel so obligated, you can make checks payable to the Too-Much-Crap-In-One-Month-Cottrell Fund.)

Last night, Nic and I went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, sort of as an unspoken last meal until late January. It was scrumptious. Occasions such as that always make the meal taste better. Sitting there next to each other, we leaned our heads on each other’s shoulders, we ate well, and we laughed. We talked about how nice it is to know that, no matter how difficult things may become at times, we have each other to “lean on.” I didn’t break into song and dance even with the cue, because Nic verbalized it better. We have each other to “bear one another’s burdens.” Exactly.

If all this stuff wasn’t enough, this morning, we both woke up sick, the car turned out being more expensive than estimated, and I smell like vitamins. Flinstone vitamins. I don’t know how it happened. I just pulled my shirt out of the closet today and, after trying to locate the smell for a while, I realized the smell was not actually trailing, but it was on me. I’m not sure which little artificially flavored character I smell like—Fred, Barney, Wilma, Dino, Bam Bam, maybe just the collected smell of all the vitamins in a single bottle—but when it’s one thing after another like Nic and I have been experiencing lately, eventually, you just have to stop and laugh.

And the laughs just keep on rolling. Tonight, after I picked up Nicole from work, we walked into the house with a great big surprise waiting for us. As Nic turned the corner to enter the kitchen, she looked into our lounge and gasped. She stopped me and said, “Jonathan, pray before you enter this room,” quickly followed by, “Can I just tell you what happened.” Quite unfortunately, our water heater had begun leaking everywhere. It’s nothing a 16-gallon ShopVac couldn’t cleanup after three hours. Nonetheless, it was just a little too much at that moment. No worries, though, Nic and I are doing well, camped out at my parents’ house, mooching from my mom’s extremely well stocked fridge, just like old times.

As I told my mom about all the, shall we say, exciting events of late, she quickly said, "That's married life," to which I responded, "No. It's just life, and we happened to be married." I mean, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health is all ringing a little truer right now than we would have hoped in our first two months together. But this stuff could happen to anyone. And somehow, despite the fact we don't think it could get any worse (and we don't want to jinx ourselves), the worse is much better than any better would be on my own.

"Then the eyes of both of them were opened..."

Remember all those habits and idiosyncrasies you had when you were single that didn’t seem weird at the time? Yeah. Well. I’ve come to realize that I had a lot of those. And I still do.

For instance (and this is a big for instance), every time I finish showering, I proceed directly to the toilet, where I wipe myself. Yes, my butt. I won’t go too much into the details, but I always feel like that region won’t fully dry without a good up-and-down wiping. Even though I have done this for years and never thought that much about it, the first time Nic caught me still dripping wet from the shower, squatting, fingers holding onto a big clump of moist toilet paper, wiping myself, I pitifully whimpered, “Crap.” Actually, it sounded more like, “crap…” She said it looked as if I was about to cry.

I imagine it’s a lot like Adam and Eve must have felt after sinning. In Genesis 3:7 it reads, “Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked…” That’s exactly how it felt. Not that marrying Nicole was comparable to the fall of man. It’s just that, when she beheld me in all of my naked, squatting glory, immediately, I knew using toilet paper to dry the hidden region of my body was totally weird. Neurotic. Just plain gross.

There are other examples, too. Like how every time I brush my teeth, I gag myself due to how far back I reach the toothbrush to rid my tongue of all the junk that causes bad breath. Or how I circle the house when I’m ready to leave and waiting on somebody (a.k.a. her). Or, how I shave the little hairs that spring up around my nipples like weeds in spring. Yes, these and many other strange things, no matter how strange and unusual they may seem, are all a part of the moy (half man, half boy) that is me. And while Nic, too, has some different idiosyncrasies and habits, I confidently state that they are nowhere nearly as strange as mine. And besides, I don’t think I would be allowed to tell about them here.

But, when I think about all this, I know that it’s just another intricate part of marriage. When you marry, you get everything. And I mean everything. The habits. The funny sayings. The irrational fears. The pet peeves. Even the weird little things that become a part of your loved one’s everyday routine. That may include butt wipe drying. It may not. But you know what? You keep falling in love despite that stuff. And the weirdest thing of all is, sometimes you may even find yourself falling in love because of that stuff.

Observations by Nicole C.

Jonathan told me the other day that he had started a blog for us, a place for us to write about our new adventures in marriage. I laughed and felt certain that he would supply plenty of material for the site. But then he told me that he was expecting me to contribute and add my own anecdotes and insight into “this marriage thing.” I figured, what the hey. If anything, we could get a few laughs.

Our Slumber Parties
Initially, everyone’s first question (besides “when are you having babies,”) is: “So how’s married life?” A question to which Jonathan quickly answers, “It’s great!” I, on the other hand, would say something more like, “Well, I don’t know exactly, we’ve only been married about a month. If anything, it feels like a slumber party.” And it does. Putting on our PJ’s, snuggling up next to each other (among other things), lighting candles and laying in bed talking and giggling well past our bed times—it feels exactly like a slumber party (only co-ed and legal). Waking up together in the early morning, snuggling some more, making breakfast on Saturday mornings, getting ready for the day together feels like you have gotten to have the world’s best sleepover with your world’s best friend. And you get to share in that joy everyday day and night.

Like Husband Like Wife
Jonathan and I pride ourselves in comparing our differences. We get a kick out of how truly different we really are from one another. Not until we were married though did even more of our differences surface. And not until we were married did we get to observe how the other person operates in their daily routine. Jonathan for example, I never knew, is a really bad looker. By “bad looker” I mean, he was the kid who would yell for help from his mom because he couldn’t find his socks, yet all the time they would be right under his left foot. Nearly four to five times a week (no exaggeration) Jonathan misplaces something; usually it’s his keys, and/or phone, and/or wallet. Upon realizing he cannot find them, he begins on what should be a search for the missing items, but what is actually just him turning his head from side to side, wherever he is standing, and then proceeding to call for my help in his search. During this time I actually walk around the house and almost always find the item in question within a foot of where Jonathan is standing. “You’re such a bad looker,” I’ll say.

Jonathan on the other hand, while being somewhat foretold of my love of sleeping before marriage, has become quickly inundated with earlier bed times, later sleeping-in, and more frequent naps. He has been a good sport, allowing me a nap when he would much rather be doing other things. He has retired to bed earlier than he would like and has overslept on a Saturday or two, all to be next to me.

Lately however, I have noticed both mine and Jonathan’s “bad looking” and need for sleep rubbing off on one another. I seem, for instance, to find myself misplacing, well… everything—my keys, my phone, my purse, my money. I call to Jonathan to ask him if he has seen the item in question, he grins and says, “You’re such a bad looker,” mockingly. Later that night, while watching a movie, he will fall asleep long before me. I’ll wake him and put him to bed. In the morning, he’ll hit snooze three times and mumble something about wanting more sleep. I pull him close and grin, think to myself “...and the two shall become one…” and I laugh.

Supplemental Benefit 1: Packed Lunches

I’m convinced. One of the very best things about marriage is daily packed lunches. I may be overstating the greatness of this seemingly small benefit, but I think it's absolutely fantastic. Seriously, since we’ve been married, I haven’t once paid to eat out. Not only am I saving time and money, though, I’m losing weight. I think lunch is only half the cause of this last effect, but nonetheless, it helps.

One thing I forget sometimes is Nic writes these corny little names on my lunch sack. Don Juan, Hunk of Burning Love, Prince Charming, The J in “N and J”, Hubby, and World’s Best Kisser are among a few of the most recent titles. So yesterday, as I’m sitting having lunch with someone at work in the break room, I notice he keeps looking at me strangely. Not until after he left and I go to throw away my lunch sack did I recall big fat Studalicious in permanent black ink was facing him as we ate. I don’t want to know what he thought.

36 Days Into It

It’s been just over one month now. Thirty six days to be exact. And what a 36 days it’s been. I’m not quite sure how to capture the essence of our life’s first month together. There’s the obvious humor that accompanies marriage. For instance, now that I have someone sleeping next to me every night, I am debriefed daily about my sleep talking adventures. Of course, Nic just eggs me on and shares nonsensical dialogues with her husband, keeping her laughter down so that she does not wake me and she can enjoy the comedy for as long as possible. Take the other night for example. I had fallen asleep as we watched a movie. Out of nowhere, I shouted, “World’s biggest retards!!!” She asked me to repeat myself, so I less excitedly exclaimed, “World’s biggest retards!” Trying to understand my path of logic, she asked to whom I was referring. Quietly and frustrated, I said, “People.” I do not recall any of this, as I remember none of my sleep talking, but she says it happens. And believe me when I say that this is only one example among countless. She will be happy to elaborate upon other dialogues.

But the moments of comedy and humor aside, it is still difficult to relay the essence of married life. One thing we have both realized is the essentiality of Christ being at the center. This was realized when we were engaged, but even more so now, our individual relationships with Christ are so critical. A couple that met with us weekly before we were married said, “It’s great when we get to spend time with the Lord together, but it’s more critical that I spend time with the Lord alone daily.” I don’t know if everyone thinks that when you marry the love of your life you are something “spiritual” happens. But we have found that, while there is a significant spiritual element of the marriage that occurs upon making your vows, it is far more important to remain focused on your individual love relationship with Christ. Nic and I have read the Bible together, prayed together, and discussed spiritual matters together, but last night we talked about practical ways to encourage our individual romance with God before our romance with each other. I couldn’t have fully understood the enormously vast importance of this before marriage, but now my understanding and practice of this principle is ever more necessary as it decides the success and blessing of not only my life, but Nicole’s. So today, I’m doing exactly that. Nic is working (very much against her will) and I’m reading the Word, listening to praise music, and writing. I feel revitalized, and feeling this, I know that our marriage will be positively impacted as well. It’s a double blessing really.

When we were engaged, unlike any relationship we had with others before, we realized this same thing—that our affections for one another were significantly affected, both negatively and positively, by the state of our individual walks with the Lord. That is to say, if I was not reading the Word and walking in the Spirit, Nicole did not feel as affectionately for me, and likewise, if she was not doing well, I did not feel as passionately about her. It’s scary. To know that the quality of my horizontal relationship with Nicole is hugely impacted by vertical relationship with Christ is frightening. It just goes to show how big a role Christ plays in our life, and not just some aspects of it, but every aspect. Things don’t change when you marry. And I’m sure this is not the last time God will have to remind Nic and me about this fact.

There’s more to tell, sure, but I’m still figuring out how to convey the rest. We’re only 36 days in, so just give me some time and I’ll try and let you know what this marriage thing is like. I do know this though. I love Nicole more every single day. Every morning that I wake up next to her, I know that, no matter what may happen in the day, I have the ineffable blessing of coming home to an amazing, Godly, beautiful woman; my love; my wife.

Our Oh-So-Cute Story

We met in early 2004 and slowly came to know one another over a long and interesting period of time. We were both happily dating other people when we first met, but after a year spent together at church, and an occasional double date with our then-current significant others, we came to deeply appreciate and admire each other. If someone had told us then what would happen in the future, we never would have believed it—we had never held even a remotely romantic thought about one another—until... one fateful rainy day.

Nicole's lease had ended, so she announced in our home fellowship group that moving help was needed, and Jonathan was happy to pitch in. Not having consulted weather.com, moving day was gray and wet. Yes, the furniture was soaked, but even though it rained and poured, being his usual self, Jonathan livened up the mood and made Nicole laugh out loud all day long. That day, something clicked and we realized something big was happening. It only took a couple of weeks before we began officially dating, but soon a romance developed that we had never before experienced. We were smitten.

And on October 22, 2005, still in deep smit, we were married. But as you'll find out from reading this blog, marriage was just the beginning.

This Marriage Thing

RegardingUs.com is our attempt at letting our friends, family and the occasional strangers in on our marriage—the joys, the frustrations, the humor, the sadness, the adventure, the scares, the trials, the mushy gushy lovey dovey stuff, and more. Of course, we can’t share everything, but we'll try to be as open as possible.

“Why,” you ask? Well, there are three reasons. First, we want to keep track of the lessons we have learned and have a central place to visit and be reminded of every step of our romance. Second, we’re new at this marriage thing, and we know that others are new at it or will be new at it soon enough. We want to share the lessons of love we learn and hope to facilitate conversation among almost and newly married couples to keep love alive and encourage the bond of marriage before God and the world. Lastly, we know a lot of amazing couples who are not in any way new at this marriage thing, having been married for ten, twenty, thirty, even forty or more years. We very much hope and pray, for our sake and other newly married couples’ sake, that those who have gone through the highs and lows of marriage—the richer and poorer, the health and sickness, the better and worse—and stood the test of time would be open in this forum and share all that they have learned.

So, whether you’re about to be married, have been married a short amount of time, or are a marriage pro, please join us as we begin the rest of our lives.